Old experience Sun, was daughter-in-law penalty \"laid off\"

Due to hygiene, manners and differences in labour areas such as concept, generational family education raised new problems

Today, the generational characteristics of education is becoming a family education in Guangzhou, according to the survey, Guangzhou 60% families from grandparent, grandparents to participate fully or in part to take care of life to future generations, even in the study and education.

However due to differences in concept and the living environment of two generations, young parents care for the elderly \' traditional way of educating children wonder, modern family family conflicts surrounding the germinal intergenerational education more frequent.

Mother experiences were daughter-in-law questioned

The national day, a minus broke out in Guangzhou, haizhu district, Korea alternative \"family war\". Korean old Hunan changde people, had lived in rural areas, while reaching the scarab, hands and feet but is quite smart and very capable. She had a nanny, with seven or eight children. Four months ago, Han request second son, daughter-in-law, the old come to Guangzhou, taking care of only a half year old grandson, can enjoy family relationships with sons live in large cities, but also to personally take care of grandchildren\'s lives, Han old too not to mention how happy.

At first, enjoyable family life, the old man\'s arrival for the two busy young people address the worries of the workplace. However, there is one thing which let Korean old slightly unpleasant, over time, she found her daughter-in-law Xiao Wang likes to find fault, such as baby bottles is not used, washed with hot water scalded when children clothing isn\'t germicidal SOAP and so on. Xiao Wang to her mother-in-law when asking these questions, usually friendly, Korea old daughter-in-law has no experience with children is considered, the spirit was too nervous, so stick to their practices.

National day to has, small King finally has idle time and mother-in-law together care children, she found in health concept aspects and mother-in-law of differences is obvious: Han old too to children modulation good milk or rice noodles Hou, still habitual to with mouth suck pacifier try temperature (she repeatedly told mother-in-law can will milk drops in hand Shang try temperature); children eating Shi with of one-time masks, elderly does not willing immediately lost, total to continuous with Shang two or three times only abandoned; elderly also often will baby of clothing and adult clothing placed in washing machine together cleaning, or forget with specifically of baby disinfectant, and SOAP liquid, to sterilization.

Xiao Wang to her mother referred to these issues at a time, Han old always that their child is very experienced, conditions are not allowed in the past, life is not careful, kids can also grow up healthily, no need to be too picky health details.

In the area of nutrition concept of raising children and daughter-in-law are also differences: Xiao Wang over to South Korea at a time the old 10 days ration of rice noodles, 44 days in the elderly but they can always use, but also confidently said \"less each meal, live to be 99\", Xiao Wang believes that her mother-in-law traditional conservation concepts should not be used in children, after all, children are at the stage of long body.

The King broke the small bottom line of tolerance, she found herself reminder term did not play any role. Xiao Wang \"dismiss\" the mother-in-law, never let her take care of his son\'s life.

Old han said daughter-in-law Xiao Wang and good governance amiable, honor their elders, and between them there is no contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the traditional sense, but she just doesn\'t pass, not just because the concept of health, led to such a large family \"earthquake\". Heart full of grievances for the elderly.

Concept generation gap caused contradictions

As the economic development and social transformation, young parents in the face of social pressures increasing, decline of the educational function of the family, and intergenerational educational ratio is douzeng, according to statistics, in Guangzhou near 60% in the family, children learn the important task of all life, enlightenment, counselling or partially fell on the shoulders of grandparents, grandparents.

Guangzhou City has on isolation generation education family child care of Constitution, and life habits, and health habits, and learning habits, and courtesy and labor, and independence, and gregarious exchanges, and self-control, and share concern, and knowledge desire, and parent-child relationship total 11 a physical and mental project average do had investigation comparison, results found ancestors and fathers in health habits, and courtesy and labor, and share concern, and learning habits, and gregarious exchanges aspects of expectations and identity exists widely differences, especially in health habits Shang, two generation people of identity rate near zero.

According to education experts, the elderly due to age and the age of reason, health consciousness backwards on the low level of science, knowledge, and young people an idea generation gap, generational education increasingly challenged, its drawbacks and even upgraded to family conflicts.

Generational needs tending two generations together

Isolation generation tending itself has must advantage: progenitor parents were has dependency and education children of practice experience, can cover young parents in raising children aspects of experience insufficient, play ancestors of experience advantage; because no work of pressure, progenitor parents were in mentality Shang than work tension, and pressure heavy of young parents to calm was more, comparison has patience to accompanied and education Sun generation; elderly through thick and vicissitudes Hou of simplicity, owned a \"children psychological\", easy and Sun generation established harmony of feelings, for education children created good of feelings Foundation.

Intergenerational support to achieve good results requires joint efforts of two generations of parents.

When the parents on their children for education, ancestors must not be came forward to interference, should make efforts to safeguard the authority of the child\'s parents, so that children will understand the need to respect their parents. To take full advantage of the respective advantages of intergenerational support and parental upbringing, two generations often explore the culture of children, creating the opening of a harmonious family environment for children.

In addition, because the times are different, the old man accepted \"generational tending learning\" is also necessary. Liaoning province has a \"generational parent schools\" has accepted more than more than 800 Grandpa, Grandma, Grandpa, and Grandma study, works well.

Children listen to mum or Grandma

0 of intergenerational education is helpless
Zhengzhou people she and her husband are working parents, fight with three meals a day, forced by fierce competition for survival, 8-year old son had to be given to the child care of Grandpa and Grandma. Less worries, she works much easier, however, she soon found that the problem has occurred.
Grandpa and Grandma time, also like children, personal care on children\'s lives was very good, but on the extent of child loves to spoil. Boy in front of their very obedient, grandparents home, become unruly, effeminate:, cannot afford a little setback does not consider other people\'s feelings sth She worried about the long-term, child will out of their control fully addicted to grandparents on he principles of compromise and patience.
There\'s concern, he discovered that after living with grandparents, character 6 children have a lot of changes, for example, the children all day long in the past \"ass kicking horse jump\", noisy, but the last two years living in grandparent home, children cute and docile lot.
Mr Zhang said that, in fact, if not there are special reasons, they are willing to have its own child, after all, \"intergenerational education\" not a substitute for \"family education\". However, Grandpa and Grandma now picking up his children\'s education mission, in addition to his grateful also feel helpless, Grandpa and Grandma in poor health, prevent a child from running and jumping, he can understand, however, children of nature would be deprived of is undeniable fact.
0 fear the children into \"both sides\"
Mr Cui is filial piety, three generations have been and the United States. However, in recent months, he several times for the children with their parents to make friction, he knows Grandpa and Grandma\'s intentions are good for kids, but he did not want his parents are always in the presence of children, with their opposite. For instance, he said: \"don\'t wear shoes to go to bed the son, step on Grandma\'s quilt is dirty, Grandma how tired the quilt is washing. \"Grandma would say:\" it doesn\'t matter, let children step on it, on her dirty then wash. ”
At lunch, home made a Braised prawn, speak one of two only. Grandma saying \"I love to eat\", a share of their clips to the children in the bowl. For example, when her son eat fruit, Cui said: \"son, Wai last handkerchief or dirty, ugly clothes. \"Grandma would say:\" no, not without Wai Wai. ”
If this situation persists, son gradually realize, at Grandma\'s House, what they are doing by Grandma in charge, is different from in their own home, you can listen to the words father and mother, in grandmother\'s home and in their own home has a different philosophy of life.
Concerns Mr Cui was not unjustified, Pui Pui focus of early childhood education center in Zhengzhou, Shanghai Xi Xiaodong said, children of all are at the stage of learning, imitation, through contact with things gradually establish a judgment on the process. If parents, Grandpa and Grandma now gives children a contradictory and confusing world, it\'s hard to form a child character of the firm, crisp, handling problems in the future will need stay afloat has no.
0 \"intergenerational\" to the disadvantage of child education
Hu Limin in Zhengzhou city vocational Department believes that \' life is concerned, primary school is the key to personal qualities, character formation period, if together with the elderly people are living in at this stage, lost and the feelings of parental communication, training opportunities, at the mercy of \"generational\" special favours flooded, it will be very adverse negative impact children\'s physical and mental development.
Generation grandson of easy to spoil, isolation accommodation of older persons, particularly the one-child, slip worried in case of errors, I\'m sorry children, afraid of people blame. Thus, everything for the elderly in accordance with the child, protection of children everywhere, easy to make the children form a self-centered, selfish, willful bad personality. Excessive protection of older persons, not only killing the child\'s independent ability and self-confidence, but also so that the child becomes extremely selfish, cowardly effeminate:, delicate.
Many old people accept new thing is slow, is lagging behind the concept of education and upbringing, hope children cute, obedient, safe and secure is not unusual, not very good at using scientific, creative way to guide children. For children occurred because of the curiosity of \"trouble\", \"damage\", such as risk-taking and innovative behavior, always eager to be blocked, easy devoid of children born of curiosity, adventure and innovation.
Many children\'s psychological consultation shows that generational psychological variation can also lead to child-rearing, have some psychological problems, such as social phobia, character of strange, psychological vulnerabilities, and so on.
0 old man with children, good mood
Retired teacher Mr Sun Lao said, China\'s elderly to when retired, General of the body is very sturdy. Have a grandson in the side, support both children work, can ignore the lost and lonely, bring joy to the empty-nest family. This is a double benefit, have it both ways.
Also, is the hands of the elderly, child custody, education has a wealth of practical experience, you can make up for the lack of experience with young parents in raising children, for child patient and meticulous, thoughtful care.
Because no work of pressure and life of drag, progenitor parents were in mentality Shang than work tension, and pressure huge of young parents to peace was more, comparison has patience to accompanied and education Sun generation; elderly through thick and vicissitudes Hou of simplicity, owned a \"children psychological\", special like and children play, easy and Sun generation established harmony of feelings, for education children created good of feelings Foundation.
Reporter reflections
Grandparents, and parents communicate
In fact, children are key ideas and concepts of education keep pace with the times, is science education methods. Generational dependency need grandparents updated concept also needs ancestors with parents in educating children on the problems of communication, learning from each other and complement each other.
On the concept of children, older persons must keep pace with the times, paying particular attention to reality. For example, how to let the child do comprehensive development all around development of moral, rather than simply take care of their lives and urging them to learn cultural lessons only. We must pay special attention to educate the children ethical values, the legal system, effectively develop their cherishing, loving labor,Thrift, to be creative and good quality.

How to deal with the relationship between grandparents and children?

Grandparents \' influence, often makes parents feel a headache. General care of grandparents to grandchildren are more enjoyment out of family relationships, as parents did not bear a very heavy responsibility, therefore the love expressed in their own way without taking into account, consequences on the education of children, tend to pamper and spoil. So we often hear parents complaining whenever grandparents, they will not discipline their children; as long as the child to grandparents who lives a few days, came back positive after \"crazy\" is not the way.

Grandparents only to her a granddaughter of kelaodiya, she is naturally more dearly. Grandparents often drive them, stay for a few days to a holiday to New York for her home. Kelaodiya come back at a time, will bring back many new toys and new clothes, mother and most unpleasant kelaodiya be a lot of money. Mother wanted to society of training kelaodiya plan shopping, reasonable limits to her from her monthly pocket money, taught her the money are the largest and most effective use, and know how to overcome the impulses of the moment, society savings, to purchase what they most want to be. However his mother never thought the plan was undermined by generosity of grandparents. Mother and daughter to the store if she wanted to buy this and that, MOM reminded her: \"you pocket money there this month, and now just months. \"Kelaodiya is not to say:\" Grandpa gave me some money, I buy something, and that isn\'t enough, you can tell them, brought me next time you see us. \"Mother was quiet, a great deal of effort, not showing their irritation. Daughter added: \"MOM, you give me pocket money number is too low, I go to my grandparents there, they bought me a lot of things that I like, much more than the total number you provided. \"Mother was really annoying, a home of her husband and said:\" you have to find, let me take your parents to help our children\'s education, at least I don\'t split. \"\" What\'s going on? \"Mother again at the store, father replied:\" not so serious. Their grandchild relationship was harmonious, both sides are satisfied with this relationship, although grandparents to kelaodiya spend some money, but all of this, after all, it is not their relationship, and this is not encouraging things her illegal drug use, we will not interfere. \"Mother of her husband\'s answer was disappointing, in such cases the do?

We would like to emphasize is that children have the right to develop relationships with people other than parents, and parents should not try to control the development of the relationship. We all know mentality is the most solid, who can\'t stop across the close relationship between the generation, double the grandparent\'s love for her grandson generation is, sometimes their grandchildren love for sons and daughters were all added to the who. Grandparents while kelaodiya a bit too generous, with a mother\'s perspective this is not conducive to the growth of kelaodiya, of their children in some substances, not knowing how to control money. But this is only acceptable to the kelaodiya part of the social impact, we can\'t cut off her with all the contact, to ensure the purity of her education. Kelaodiya relationship between grandparent and is more of a bond of love, is a complement to parental love. Only in a world full of love, children can be truly happy growing up. There is also a way exactly what kind of education the right questions. Mother think should moderation children money, makes she knows limits, society plan, more main of is not think own wants to of on to are, does not was outside of limit, and progenitor parents may will wanted to she of requirements does not too, appropriate to meet about children of material requirements let children accident to surprise about, let she more are some may not be on will corrosion she, and effect she of character, and can let she is happy, spent these money is worth of. Which a strict mother and grandparents of loose on it? Can be said to be difficult to determine, perhaps they can be complementary. MOM not to g Lao Bangya concept of an absolute number, just to give her a feeling, a schedule of experience. And assistance to grandparents, mother, of course, to find that the factors taken into account in his plans, of the children we taught a reality that we are not raising children in a vacuum.

Intergenerational love

My granddaughter Ka Ka like degree, considerably more than the love for her daughter\'s father. It is said that this kind of generational love, now is a general phenomenon.

But with likes of, things that make people worry about. Little guy now has a big temper very, slightly heart, cross rolling on the floor, or she is going to throw a plastic tableware of all.

Bad temper is where it came from? recently, our family made a poll. Says public opinion actually investigated Ka Ka only one person. Grandmother: \"Ka Ka most afraid of?\" She said: \"my father. \"Grandmother and asks,\" Ka Ka most afraid of? \" She answered: \"grandfather. \"And then added:\" Grandpa most Ka Ka. ”

This opinion poll, all members of the family are said to be \"Grandpa spoiled Ka Ka\" Ka Ka what\'s poor performance, find the root cause is found on my head.

I\'ve seen a copy of the material: a school for students in Shanghai household survey found that the proportion of the doting family is 40%, and generational dotes on more serious.

A pre-school to early childhood education expert says: \"now for a pair of couples only one child policy, for each couple, are inexperienced parents, and grandparents generation cannot transfer successful experience, spoil, will give today\'s family MI-LAN-gold. \"Sometimes I calm thought, found in small Ka Ka, I give way more strict requirements, meeting the needs of her but the lack of proportionality, this generational love, MI-LAN-gold does in a child\'s education.

According to I of personally experience, produced isolation generation love has two a causes: a is Sun children generation baby born, makes own is real to experience to blood of continued, feeling to own raising children of success, to will produced a on Sun generation of precious psychological; second is own through thick and human vicissitudes, suffered sauce, in enjoy in his later years Zhiji, contact to innocent of Sun generation, on own soul is a comfort. So before you know it, the grandchildren from love to spoil, become extremely incompetent ancestors.

But my daughter\'s education Michael Suen, also to come up with a more scientific approach, but I think the future should be at least two, one is never dull, never pitching reached down to Ka Ka when riding a horse; second, it is not her daughter, son-in-law family MI-LAN-gold, so that they bring relief due to generational doting and confusion.

Recently, the Shanghai News newspaper a family tragedy: grandparents doting grandson, caress child violence, mother of discipline to the fist phase, bite is scarred mother\'s shoulder, mother of forbearance, he choked the natural son of the age of 7. Too shocking!

I secretly tell yourself, in any case, I have to do a good grandfather!

Grandparents primary concern for children\'s psychological health

And parental relationship discord, lonely or wayward naughty autism, many ancestors with dependent children in the parents found the child\'s \"bad temper\" people helpless. Child psychology experts, young parents sacrificed upbringing and time for the time being, but must not sacrifice the child\'s mental health, grandparents of children mental health of primary concern.
Experts pointed out that, today more and more young people to demonstrate high tendency to low IQ, EQ, not comprehensive health psychological quality make them difficult to adapt to rapidly changing needs of society, more people recognize mental health must be picked up since childhood. City City, many young parents will large sector time and energy inputs work and learning in the, flawless care young of children, think children small, as long as body health, and eat full eat good, to the raising experience rich of elders parenting also is good; to has Shang kindergarten Shi, and to child care development sustenance Yu kindergarten teachers and the elders, think such children also will get good of development, this on makes isolation generation parenting has became family education in the of a more natural, and General of phenomenon. However this type of education will be on children\'s sense of self, emotion, personality development and social adaptation ability had a profound impact.
According to sample surveys show that children\'s mental health in China not optimistic, more common mainly in areas such as behavioral, emotional, social adaptation and habit disorder. Specifically, to conduct impulses, excessive actions, excessive anxiety, jealousy, aggression, anorexia, finicky, favoritism, wayward as many. And these issues are to a large extent, and the rearing of children accepted, parents and grandparents of educational methods and attitudes. Future pace of life and fight for survival intensifies, requires the talents in addition to have a good intelligence, knowledge, is more important to have good mental quality, parents is best developed when young children have a healthy mind, enhance its psychological diseases \"immunity\".
Experts stress that ancestors on children\'s performance as excessive love unconditionally meet the needs of children, tolerant nature of children, child mental environment greatly relaxed, stress-free, extremely liberal, providing them with opportunities for imitation, exploration. But from the psychological development, children on parents \' emotional attachment needs cannot be met, the grandparents for children\'s mental health development is not satisfactory, needed strengthening responsibility education for parent education and family education guidance of ancestors. Parents of young children from the perspective of mental healthy growth of children to accept responsibility for parenting, child happiness, well-being, growth.

\"Grandparents\" pros and cons

Surveys show that about half of children in China are accepted by grandparents, for the majority of great importance to children, and lack of parental effort for modern young parents, grandparents or disadvantages or need to carefully measure.

Many children\'s psychological and educational experts to grandparents make the pros and cons of different views, Guiyang City children
Hospital Children\'s psychological chief physician Guan Fuqin says, most people believe that China\'s traditional way of grandparents have a negative impact on children\'s growth, need to ancestors and parents in child rearing and care in corrections, overcome, mainly has following several aspects:

First, spoil and indulge too much easy for child care are too self-centered, form a selfish, willful bad character. The elderly especially loves children, often into no principle of accommodation and doting. At the same time and alternate generation is the one-child, feared bad care for the elderly, children blame, so more to take things in accordance with the child, children often unreasonable desires without principles, meet. Self awareness, self control, self-evaluation of the child is not a good development, resulting from small not self-regulation and control their behavior, their wishes are not met will produce mood swings or aggressive behavior, you cannot get along with your partner, not into the collective.

Secondly, excessive protection to contain the development of child\'s independence and self-confidence, enhanced child dependency. China\'s renowned education expert Chen heqin\'s children have said: whatever the child can do it, let him to do it by yourself. In order to cultivate their independence, autonomy and responsibility, enhance the ability of social adaptation of children. And many ancestors tend to handle children of all things, fear of suffer the children is not willing to let their children play with other boys, afraid of children fall to clear away all obstacles for their children. This psychology is not only unrealistic, it is impossible; on the contrary will do so only for the child\'s future life create an adverse impact on the psychological.

Third, by virtue only of grandparents love, cannot satisfy the child\'s emotional needs. From the psychological process of development, 0-5, this period is the love of parents of children most in need of care, emotional attachment to meet their parents properly, on children\'s mental health in the future play an extremely important role in the development, this emotional needs are grandparents do not meet them. Love more ancestors is in meeting survival needs and security needs of young children, and the need for higher level-emotional vesting only parents to meet the needs of, otherwise children would not have been incentives, is respect for the fourth level of need, emotional belonging has not been stable.

IV, education\'s lack of awareness and education methods not easily give the children let form a cooperation with others, caring and enthusiastic quality opportunities to help others. Parents in child care in the process of interaction with others is always guiding children and child-friendly games, when there are disputes and peer, comparative calm, pay attention to children with the right solution to the problem. And ancestors easily proceed from the interests of their children to ensure children do not disadvantage of education it is easy to make them grow arrogance, high-handedness, bad habits.

On the, ancestors parents has love, on Sun generation is joy, they has ample of time and energy, willing to spent time and children in together life, and to patience to listen children of described; ancestors parents has dependency and education children of practice experience, on children in different of age easy appears what problem, should how processing, they know of to than children of parents more was more; ancestors parents in long-term of social practice in the accumulation has rich of social experience and life feeling, can to children happy, and loose of learning, and life environment, ancestors parenting of these advantage also not ignored.